ST. THOMAS — In nearly 70 years of marriage Gordon and Jean Vigars have never spent a night apart.
That will change tonight.
They are praying their separation will be temporary.
There has not been a rift. Their love is as strong as ever when they married here 69 years ago after meeting at a dance when he was a furniture salesman and she worked in the library.
They did not see this coming but it’s modern-day society that is splitting them up. The problem is there is just not enough room for both in the nearby seniors’ home.
It’s a real life situation that should give us pause as we and our parents age. You may see more of this.
Meanwhile, it was one interesting 95th birthday for Jean yesterday as all of her children were in from various locales across the land to both sing Happy Birthday to mom but also to be there for her in her final night in the home — the same one where she was brought from the hospital at birth.
Lots of tears and hugs in the Vigars household these days.
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This is not right and something needs to happen here.
Thanks to the McGuinty lieberals, theres not much room at Municipal/Provincial run nursing Homes. I have been trying for months to find a government run nursing home for my ailing mother and have been told theres at least a two year waiting list. Home Care then was our only option and here again, was told theres a two year waiting list.
I have given up on the provincial government and found a private nursing home near to us which will take her right away.
It costs a bit more, but there is room. In this case, thank God for capitalism.
Its strange that McGuinty can find millions of dollars to give himself a raise; to give millions to his favorite social/cultural groups; to bail out the auto industry but nothing much for Ontario’s Seniors in spite of raising taxes after saying he wouldnt..
So folks, if you have ailing senior parents/relatives, start looking now cause your provincial government will not be there for you and your senior loved ones.
When I read this I wept along with the family because I know that this identical situation will become a reality for me also, and soon. My parents are both 91 yrs old, and this November willl have been married for 70 yrs. They still live together in a senior citizens complex. Dad is pretty darn good, rides the exercise bike every day, walks, gardens and can easily take care of himself. But like Jean in this story, Mom is close to needing personal care. They truly have had a ‘wonderful life’ together. To separate them or the Vigars at this stage of their lives is a tragedy. That is why this story affected with me so strongly, I dread that day.
This is truth BTDT — I hope I die before all of this becomes necessary. I don’t want to be looked after by a kinder “concerned” Canada. A country that cares not “thing one” about it’s seniors.
It’s all about the money and to me…when the country is spending billions on union bullshit…I lose interest.
My point — these elderly people helped to build this country and if we can’t take care of them in their hour of need we may as well pack it in.
There is no reason to continue.
Its sad that my parents generation has come to this. In their time of need, no government agency will help. My deceased father served his country with the 48th Highlanders during WW II and later as a Municipal Police Sgt. on one occasion was shot at and for the grace of God, survived. My dear mother, giving birth to myself, heard of the shooting from one of the attending nurses in a local hospital. And now, the provincial/municipal government cannot find a spot for her in a Government run Nursing Home.
My fathers only brother was shot down & killed flying in a Bomber on his last mission, over Holland with the RCAF/RAF and my mothers only brother, survived the Italian campaign only to do be killed during one of the many bombing blitzs in London, waiting for a flight home to Canada.
This generation deserves better in their time of need as many of them answered Canada’s call in its time of need. All of them volunteers.
For shame on Ontario and the federal government!
It is not right Jack but happens all the time with couples. We have couples in separate rooms because they try to help each other instead of letting the care aides do it and then both their health begins to fail. Falls are frequent, broken hips seem to be “the beginning of the end” for the elderly. We have significant behavior issues with couples who don’t understand what is happening to them (dementia). It is sad but a reality.
The biggest issues are the families who remember their parents as they were 30 years ago and can’t accept that they are 90 and in need of help. Communication is the best solution and listening to and understanding the medical professionals is key. So many families just “dump and run” and let the public care providers do the job. Did this family even consider quitting their jobs and moving in with the parents to care for them?
Is this no different than a spouse bringing in their partner of 60 years to a care home and then having to live alone (and now pay 2 rents)? I see it every day and the devastation on all concerned is huge – we not only look after the “patient” but the family too!
So let’s fix it, WCT. I understand the problems but it seems to me that a housekeeper is much cheaper than a retirement home and this couple could remain together in the only real home they have ever known.
That’s one solution — there may be more.
Yes let’s fix it … and I work every day trying to do that. A close neighbor was beginning to show signs of dementia and my wife and I were assisting as best we could, social services was involved and were providing care for meals and meds, cleaning and outings. The health authority (who were paying most of the bills) and decided that it was cheaper to put this neighbor in a home “and forget about her”. Both my wife and I shed a tear – there was still breakfast on the table when they scooped her up and trucked her away. Her issue was that she had no “family” to assist so the State pays and she accepts her fate.
We need more subsidized and partially funded care centers that are adequately staffed. We need families to care for their elderly and recognize that there must be sacrifices. It doesn’t work calling Grammy on Sunday night and expect her to be OK for the next 7 days. This is a major paradigm shift for our society but it needs to be done. We can’t abandon our parents just as we can’t abandon our kids.
Agreed. My grandfather was placed in a retirement home around the age of 84. He only lasted a few months because he gave up. One of the very few decisions my family made that I totally disagreed with at the time (and still do).
Old people are not garbage and we don’t toss them out when they become a bother. Instead we fix things as best we can. In many cases that may take some creative thinking but my belief is that we keep them together in their homes as long as possible. It’s the very least we can do to repay the debt we owe them.
So true Jack and thanks. I work in the long term health care industry and by and large we care very passionately for those that we care for. It is very stressful but full of joy and humor and to a staff member we all care passionately for those that we look after. Very rewarding.
In my town, a senior needing full time care is usually moved to a home that has available room, many miles from spouse and family. They don’t get back here until someone dies to make room. A few months ago we were visiting there and was asked by a lady to answer some questions. Seems the govt was doing a survey on long term care in the province. She asked the wrong people, by the time hubby was finished she was speechless. He told her, all you do is move these people miles away from family and friends and them move them back after a few weeks or months. They come back in worse shape than they left. He then listed about a dozen people that this had happend to and said All you did was kill them as most died within weeks of being moved. One husband was killed in a car accident driving to the home several miles away. You can’t uproot people at that age, from family and friends and church etc. Yes they were taken care of in the other places, but they didn’t know anyone, had no memories to share, and families couldn’t visit daily.
Maybe instead of pressing for national day care a program for more more senior care homes would win votes. And in building those homes there should be some double rooms for couples. I should mention that no seniors have been moved from here to another facility since that interview. Considering that most couples don’t make it to 50 yrs, special treatment should be made for those that are still here after 70 yrs. of marriage. How many couples does that involve.
I read a story once about a senior lady who was constantly taking cruises. When asked why she replied, my meals are prepared, my laundry is done, every need and want is taken care of, and it is much cheaper than a nursing home.
There are several government sponsored changes in society that are behind this. The first, of course, is the movement away from family support and putting everyone into the workforce asap. There is no one to stay home and look after children or seniors.
We move our children into institutional instead of family settings before they are out of diapers because eveytime technology saves society some money (computers, internet, vehicles, you name it) the government steps in and takes the savings in taxes.
We warehouse our seniors in what are often beautiful institutions but still sterile, away from their families and without any facilities that would encourage families to visit more often. Children are deprived of the wisdom of their grandparents, lose respect for authority and the list goes on.
If we were going to do this right, we would put our seniors in a complete, climate controlled environment with an amusement park, waterpark, gardens, restaurants, etc. – something akin to West Edmonton Mall – where at best, the families could own a home in the same community and at worst, the place was so much fun that the kids and their parents would want to spend every spare moment there.
I am actually working on a plan for just such a community. However, I may be insane..
Any thoughts on my ideas? I’d love the feedback. How does the saying go? Your opinions and input are invited. Some of them may even be welcome. lol
I just went to your blog, Wayne and then trashed your last entry. This isn’t an “ad site”.
Get something up that expounds on what you have placed here and you may have a winner. Not being nasty…I just think you can do better.
Call it your “Sunday Project”.
Have a great day.
Sorry Jack, I was not trying to advertise my products. I have an idea regarding a fully enclosed community where seniors would have more access to activities, restaurants, things of interest, etc. The seniors would be higher percentage of the community than traditional communities, but there would be family residences, schools, daycare, medical clinics, retail, commercial, etc. all in the same community. It would be covered, so building and servicing costs would be drastically reduced as would maintenance and utility costs. It would have year round recreational facilities: waterparks, ice arenas, amusement parks, golf, baseball, etc. all in close proximity and all enclosed if we wished. It would actually be an attractive destination resort but with residential and senior residential applications.
Seniors have a rough time in cold, wet weather because of reduced immunity. They lose interest in living because of inactivity, lack of stimulation, institutional food, etc. They are essentially abandoned by their families. It is difficult for them to get around because many of them can’t or should not drive. Their children and grandchildren do not visit them often or for long, because hospitals and seniors’ homes have nothing for them, except their parents. Kids need to be entertained.
Kids in turn, lack the advantage of growing up with their grandparents. I think this is a detriment to society as a whole.
With telecommuting, current construction technology and the global interest in taxing emissions, a low energy community such as I envision, situated within easy commuting distance of any of our major cities should find a market.
I follow your blog almost religiously and have a lot of respect for the opinions of many of the commenters here, including yourself. It was not my intent to advertise my other business, but I did not think it my place to hijack your bandwidth for my own purposes. That being said, I would welcome the thoughts of all on my idea. Am I crazy or merely eccentric?
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