Comments on: Tori Found (7) http://www.jacksnewswatch.com/2009/07/20/tori-found/ Jack's Newswatch - You can fool some of the bears all of the time, and all of the bears some of the time, but you can not fool all of the bears all of the time — Jack's Newswatch Sat, 11 Feb 2012 03:29:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jack http://www.jacksnewswatch.com/2009/07/20/tori-found/#comment-2271 Jack Tue, 21 Jul 2009 23:58:27 +0000 http://www.jacksnewswatch.com/?p=2712#comment-2271 Well said, Sandy and you're exactly right. Well said, Sandy and you’re exactly right.

]]> By: Sandy http://www.jacksnewswatch.com/2009/07/20/tori-found/#comment-2270 Sandy Tue, 21 Jul 2009 22:17:08 +0000 http://www.jacksnewswatch.com/?p=2712#comment-2270 Jack -- The media seem to love the word "closure." It is such a misued word. Closure, perhaps in knowing precisely what happened to Tori. Closure in finding her body and being able to bury her, yes. But, certainly no closure for the family beyond that. As you know from your young daughter who died of cancer, parents and siblings never have closure. While the pain diminishes a bit, even to talk about it brings it all back in a split second. We lost a granddaughter at 3 months to SIDS. She was perfectly healthy and already had a personality. In other words, she was a wee person. Yet, people assumed that because she was just a baby, the pain wouldn't be so bad. Well, my daughter nursed her for 12 weeks at her breast. To then lose her was horrendous. Jacqueline Rachel was her name. She would be 22 now.  The worst of my pain then and now was because, as a mother, I could not take away my own daughter's pain -- as mom's always try to do.  I guess what I am trying to say is that if Tori's family really hopes finding her body brings closure, they will be very disappointed. What it will do, however, is allow the phases of mourning to actually begin -- now that they know she will definitely not be coming back -- phases which can come and go throughout our entire lives. Jack — The media seem to love the word “closure.” It is such a misued word.

Closure, perhaps in knowing precisely what happened to Tori. Closure in finding her body and being able to bury her, yes. But, certainly no closure for the family beyond that.

As you know from your young daughter who died of cancer, parents and siblings never have closure. While the pain diminishes a bit, even to talk about it brings it all back in a split second.

We lost a granddaughter at 3 months to SIDS. She was perfectly healthy and already had a personality. In other words, she was a wee person. Yet, people assumed that because she was just a baby, the pain wouldn’t be so bad. Well, my daughter nursed her for 12 weeks at her breast. To then lose her was horrendous. Jacqueline Rachel was her name. She would be 22 now.  The worst of my pain then and now was because, as a mother, I could not take away my own daughter’s pain — as mom’s always try to do. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that if Tori’s family really hopes finding her body brings closure, they will be very disappointed. What it will do, however, is allow the phases of mourning to actually begin — now that they know she will definitely not be coming back — phases which can come and go throughout our entire lives.

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